EMS Sangat on FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness

Topic for English medium sangat in Tracy Bhavan for March 13th, 2011 was “Forgiveness”. Here are notes from what young saints shared during congregation.

Mehek Nagpal said: 

I think that to forgive, means to accept one’s mistakes to help you and the other person, to become better people. On this topic, I have a small story that I would like to share. Once, there was a man in India who was in debt. One day when he was walking past the kingdom, some of the king’s soldiers took him and went to go and see the king. There, the king told him, “You owe me millions of rupees? Where is it? Do you have it ready for me?” the man replied, “I don’t have the money, please forgive me.” Since the king was very kind, he forgave the man, and let him go. The next day, the same, very man met one of his friends who owed him only 100 rupees. When he asked his friend where the money was, the man said, “I am very sorry, but I don’t have 100 rupees to give to you.” The other man didn’t seem very happy about this, and he caused a fight. This argument however reached to the king, and he wasn’t happy about this either. He told the man, “I forgave you on millions of rupees and you can’t even forgive him for 100 rupees. I didn’t have to forgive you, if I didn’t choose to. The right thing is that you should forgive your friend too.”

Moral: Babaji always forgives us on every little mistake we make, so we should also forgive other people who make mistakes towards us.

Harinder Sandhu said:

      

      The act of forgiving shouldn't be just a rare action, but should be something we do regularly, on a basis.  Let's face it. We can't go along in life for too long before we have an opportunity to forgive someone. We can get upset with people in our thoughts, without even realizing we need to forgive them.

Vivek Kamboj said:

       Saints please forgive me but i do not know what forgiveness is. All I know about forgiveness is that when somebody makes a mistake you forgive them but other than that I have never really thought about this topic. Saints when I really sat down to think about it I figured out that when a person makes a mistake and he acknowledges that he has made a mistake than he becomes worthy of forgiveness. I also understood that if there was not forgiveness in the world every person that made a mistake would get punished and there isn’t one person in the world that does not make a mistake. Forgiveness also plays a big role in keeping peace, For example last Sunday Babaji gave us a slogan "peace not pieces lets work for it" Babaji is already doing this, for example Babaji forgave that person who had assassinated Baba Gurbhachan Singh ji ,  if this man had been punished the enmity towards the Sant Nirankari mission would have grown, but by forgiving the man peace was established.  No one knows how much you can or cannot forgive somebody this trait along with other traits such as humbleness, tolerance and greatness put together create universal brotherhood. Saints please bless me so that I can learn more about this topic and apply it in my day to day life.

Sanjeev Sagar said:

I would like to share an example of a saint who took a nice step after listening H.H discourse and Rev. Vivek Shaq ji’s speech on forgiveness. After listening them he called two of his old friends to patch up and tried to mend the gaps. He was not going well with them before but after listening about forgiveness, he realizes that how important it is.

When HH went to Europe trip to meet European parliament, everyone asked him that what is our banner or “Nara”. Let’s take our Mission’s voice “Peace not pieces” as our banner or logo for this trip. His Holiness took a pause and added one more line. “Let’s work for it!” so the complete banner was “Peace not Pieces and let’s work for it!”. HH knew that without working on it, our banner is more like just saying. So it’s all come to the point that it’s effective only when we actually do it. Not just say it.

The great thing about forgiveness is that you are the first one to get the advantage of it. It helps you physically, mentally and spiritually and it builds bridge with other person too. Honestly it’s not easy thing to do. It’s not easy to simply forgive another person. It’s very hard thing to do in practical manner. I’ve seen myself that it’s really not easy but I would like to take that step. One has to put an extra effort to forgive. May be you’ve to call or talk to the person and try to build the bridge. I take it like without forgiveness; two people are like that they are sitting on the two sides of the river with so many gaps in b/w them. Forgiveness is like to build the bridge where those two people can walk together.

We should learn from our Master. In the toughest time of our mission when Baba Gurbachan Singh ji was assassinated, Our Master walks the path of forgiveness and gave us the vision to live by that “Blood should flow in the veins not on the streets”. We’re disciples of that Master and we should be able to walk the path of forgiveness with his blessings and support.

Also HH mention one more example in the toughest time of our Mission when the Hit list was there. HH told us to make the Hate List, which has names of the people you hate. Then try to cut those names one by one. Call them, talk to them and try to remove that rage from inside you about that person. You will see that what a wonderful feeling or change you experience when you forgive other person. The time will come when there is no name left in your hate list.

Saints, I ask for your forgiveness and blessings that I also can walk the path of forgiveness and enjoy the saints’ blessings.

Mini Anand said:

Dear Saints today's topic is forgiveness, Forgiveness is letting go of the anger and releasing negative thoughts. This is what our mission has been teaching us to forgive and forget, to love everyone, and be human and show humanity. Without forgiveness, there's no future. Forgiveness enlarges the future. Without forgiveness, we will never forget about our anger, and we will never be able to let go the past and move on to future. There is no forgiveness without love. You need love to forgive.

Dear saints I looked up online what all religion says about forgiveness

In Bible it says:
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

The Buddha said

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else but you are the one who gets burned”

In Gita it said

Forgiveness is a practice for removing unhealthy emotions that would otherwise cause harm to our mental well-being. Hatred leaves a lasting effect on our karma (“actions”) and forgiveness creates emotions with a wholesome effect.

The Kabir said

Where there is forgiveness, there God resides.

Dear saints if all the prophets are telling us only one thing that is to forgive and forget, for decades they are trying to teach us this one message. Dear saints I  ask you why has it taken us so long to understand this message to accept this message and to forgive and forget. Just as roman philosopher had once said “Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace”.  Let us all accept this message and live in peace. Baba Hardev Singh ji has also said peace not pieces lets work for it. Let us all work for it and pursue this message forgiveness.

Saints I learned forgiveness does not make you smaller it enlarges you. Let us leave our ego behind and forgive & forget, Let us all make this world a better place.

Romie Basra said:

In the Nirankari mission, our Satguru is always focusing our efforts on improving ourselves as human beings, so we benefit humanity while maintaining and enhancing our connection to Formless God.  Satguru always wants us to focus on virtues not vices.  One of the ways to do this is by doing selfless service (sewa) to humanity at large.  Forgiveness is really a form of Sewa, as we are selflessly "giving" a gift of ourselves "for" someone, while not expecting anything in return.  However, as is the case when we do something for other humans in a selfless manner, the one who does the service is the one who may actually benefit the most. 

As humans we tend to focus our thoughts on our self and as a result build walls around us as a form of self protection for our ego.  Although we may not realize it at the time, this protection mode is like a form of self attachment and can actually cause much more harm to us than we we realize.  When we feel slighted or harmed (perceived or real) by someone we tend to get angry at that person and as a result feel pain and negativity which results in personal inbalance.

Studies conducted at the University of Wisconsin Institute of Forgiveness have proven that internalizing this pain and holding a grudge against the one who harmed or wronged us leads to many physical and mental ailments.  For example, holding such feelings towards someone may lead to depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, stress, and alcohol/substance abuse.  On the other hand studies have shown that people who suffered ailments were able to lead a more peaceful, healthy, and spiritual existence after they truly and unconditionally forgave someone.  This surrendering to a higher will is common in spiritual teachings and also has many practical benefits in day to day relationships.    

Many people who have suffered serious crimes against them have noted that forgiving someone benefited them greatly.  A woman who was falsely imprisoned during the holocaust had this this definition of foregiveness.  "Forgiveness is freeing a prisoner and realizing that prisoner was yourself."   

Poonam Fandan said:

“Forgiveness is an amazing thin , it warms our heart and cools the sting”

Forgiveness is very hard to practice as such. Forgiveness is hard because it is hard to forget the hurt. In fact forgetting deliberately is not in human power. There is no erase button which can clear the unpleasant memories.  So if something is bothering us about someone, it may continue and expand unless we work towards resolving it. How long it may take to forgive someone also depends on how badly we are hurt by the offender. Many people have to go through so many therapies, counseling and cures just to come out of a painful situation caused by someone. The emotions of resentment, anger, pain is like poison which disturbs the balanced state of human being causing severe mental and physical health issues.

In case of such a helpless situation where one suffers from unpleasant memories and pain, one should seek blessings from lotus feet of Satguru, asking for deliverance from the pain, anger, resentment, asking for deliverance from constantly thinking about offender hence being mentally controlled by them and acting and behaving under that influence, asking for strength to be able to forgive the offender and move on. Also in some situation being too picky and judgmental cause us anger and unnecessary grudges. For example a feeling that someone did not treat me right, did not pass a smile or did not pay me enough respect as I expect. These can be just my state of mind where I expect certain type of behaviors from others and judge people based on my opinions. These may not be offenses but may be that, so thought offender, is going through a tough situation and could not present the best of their behavior. Where we could have offered a helping hand or approach in friendly way to know the situation, we judge them and silently develop a grudge. I seek blessings from Satguru and forgiveness that please give us wisdom to ignore such things from my part.

In case of serious situations, once one start thinking about forgiving the offender is truly the beginning of the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision not an emotion. In my opinion, it is a three way process. Forget, Remember and Forgive. Try to forget what bad someone did to us, Remember any good times spent with the offender if any, it could be the moments in which the person they brought any joy, peace or happiness in one’s life even if it’s hardly few. This helps in forgetting the bad. Then taking a decision to forgive. Once one decides to forgive, they start working towards it by deliberately avoiding the negative feelings, putting a tight cap on anger and not going back in this decision. It does not complete here, in order to complete the forgiveness act, one makes a deliberate attempt to establish a positive relationship with offender by reaching out to them in any form of communication or gesture. This act brings in positive energy hence releasing one from the prison of pain, hurt and anger, filling the place where negative energy was camping, with joy and peace. And offers a good health.

This also suffice what our Satguru says

“Build bridges not walls”

On the other hand seeking forgiveness for our known mistakes is very necessary. A devotee is always watchful of their actions. If there has been any offence made by one, it’s necessary to seek forgiveness immediately and continue making efforts towards it, hoping that the person we offended will be able to forgive us one day with our corrected actions. A devotee also seeks blessings from Satguru that we never repeat our mistakes and be able to correct our mistakes.

Satguru please forgive us for our mistakes which we intentionally or unintentionally make. Some mistakes may not forgivable but please give us wisdom and courage to we work towards correcting them.                                 

Saiyam shared a Poem:

Forgive Again and Again.

Forgiveness:

To forgive is not to forget

To forgive it to remember that nobody is perfect,

That each one of us stumbles,

 When we want so much to stay upright

That each one of us says things,

 That we wish we never said.

That we can all forget that love

 is more important than being right.

To forgive is to remember

That we are so much more than our mistakes,

That we are often more kind and caring

That accepting another’s flaws can help us accept our own.

To forgive is to remember

That the odds are pretty good that

  we might soon need to be forgiven ourselves.

That life sometimes gives us more

  than we can handle gracefully.

To forgive is to remember

That we have rooms in our hearts to begin again,

And again and again and again and again….